We have heartbeat!

I spent the weekend hanging out with my parents and haven't been able to get online, but on Friday at our first u/s, we had a heartbeat!!!  That's right, just one little Peanut in there.  That is his/her official nickname, Peanut!

We had to wait almost an hour past our appointment time until the doctor came in, but the wait was worth it!!!  Peanut is officially 6 weeks, 1 day, but measuring at 6 weeks, 3 days with a flickering heart rate of 124 bpm.  Already an overachiever!  :)

We told Jacob he was going to be a big brother right after school on Friday.  We thought he was too old for a "cutesy" shirt, so bought a sarcastic one instead.  It said "I'm the Big Brother.  No Question. No Arguement.  We'll Just Do Things MY WAY!"  He's not allowed to wear it in public until after Christmas (after first trimester), but he begged his way into wearing it to a Halloween night on a farm since it would be under a sweatshirt.  He's so excited and loves saying already that I'm doing something for Peanut.

My parents got here on Friday night and we won't see them again until Christmas, so they got the news on Friday as well.  They got a picture frame with the above picture in it saying "Grandchildren, gifts from above to cherish and love."  My mom was crying and my dad could not stop smiling all weekend.  They are so excited for their first natural grandchild (they of course see Jacob as their grandchild as well, but it's a little different)!!!

Nominated for a Liebster Award

I just got nominated for a Liebster award?!?!? Thank you Bree, over at Thought Provoking Moments. (Yes, I'm stealing her photo!)

Here's how this Liebster nomination works… The person who nominated me asks 11 questions that I have to answer and then I nominate 11 others to continue this awards show!

What is a Liebster Blog Award?
The Liebster Blog Award is given to up and coming bloggers with less than 200 followers, and nominated by fellow bloggers. Liebster is a German word meaning sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, beloved, lovely, kind, pleasant, valued, cute, endearing and welcome. I took German for a year and I love you is Ich Liebe Disch, so it can also mean love and I truly love all my fellow blogging family!

Bree’s Questions:

1. If there were one word you could choose out of the dictionary,  which one would you choose to best describe yourself? - Okay, I'm cheating here, the word is not from out of the dictionary, but it explains me to a tee. Pittsburgh.  My license plate even says Pittsburgh girl (PTBG GRL).  If you haven't spent much time there you might not get it, but Pittsburgh creates the most down-to-earth, fun-loving, sports-crazy, good-drinkers, family-oriented, God-fearing, venison-eating, wonderful people I know.  That is me (minus the wonderful because I know all my own flaws!) to the letter.
2. What’s your biggest pet peeve? - Kids in strollers that are CLEARLY old enough to walk on their own.  I really want to smack the parents.  What 5 year old needs to be that lazy?
3. Throughout your journeys, what would you say is the most important lesson you’ve learned thus far? - Especially with this infertility journey and also finding the man of my dreams, it is that God's timing is infinitely better than my timing, even if I don't like it in the moment.
4. What’s your favorite childhood memory? - Spending time with my family, immediate and extended.  I'm really close to all of them and miss not living withing 15 minutes of everyone.
5. What’s your biggest regret? - I don't regret much because you're just pining for something that you can't change, but if I had to pick something it would be not getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship before I did.  It took 5 years for the blinders to come off.
6. If there were anything about your life experiences you could change, what would they be and why?  - I sometimes wish that I had done a semester abroad in college, just so that I could have that experience.  But, then I wouldn't be who I am today either.
7. Tell us something quirky about you. - I had a hunting license before I had a driver's license and knew how to skin a deer before learning to drive a car.  Pittsburgh thing people!
8. What’s your favorite dish/meal? - Anything I don't have to make!  Seriously though, sushi or my mom's steak with cheesy mashed potatoes and bacon green beans.  Yum!
9. Who or what’s been your biggest influence throughout life? - Obviously, God, but as for a person, my Mom.  We fought horribly in high school and college and now I speak to her on the phone almost every day.  I value her opinion greatly and I am who I am because of how her and my Dad raised me.
10. Do you have a bucket list? If so, what’s the most ridiculous thing to do on it? - Not written down or anything, but I sometimes think "that's something I want to do one day." Usually it involves traveling somewhere though, not doing things so nothing really ridiculous.
11. What do you do for a living? - I work as an analyst for the Federal Reserve.  Some days I like it, other days I wish I could do something where I felt like I made a difference in people's lives.

And, now you know a little more about me!

Here are my nominations for the Liebster Award:

1. Meghna @ Designs by Meghna
2. Corgi Mom @ Dead Shovel Facinoma
3. Lilly @ Our Adventure through Infertility
4. Amanda @ Growing Griswolds
5. Expecting To Be Expecting
6. Bree @ Thought Provoking Moments

Yes, I'm sad - only 6 nominees and 2 are repeats from Bree and Bree (you guys don't have to answer my questions as well!).  What can I say good friends together.  :) 

But, on a serious note, this blog is private due to the nature of the blog so only one person from my life before infertility is on here (yay Corgi Mom!) and I know she won't link back to this in her response due to privacy.  All my other blogs that I follow are from friends that aren't aware of this blog, so no shout outs here...  :(


Okay, my questions:

• When you’re 90 years old, what will matter most to you?
• What’s your biggest pet peeve? (thanks Bree!!)
• When was the last time you tried something new?
• Which activities make you lose track of time?
• If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
• Where would you most like to go and why?
• Who is the strongest person you know?
• What is your happiest memory?
• What is your favorite smell?
• If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
• What chore do you absolutely hate doing?

 Love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!



 

Another PSL date!

Yesterday I got to share in another PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte for those not familiar with non-IVF acronyms!) date with the wonderful Amanda.  She and I had a PSL date for the end of my BCPs because they were making me horrible and I was so glad to be off the wretched things.  And a tradition was born!  :)

The PSL brought me the best of luck on this cycle and I'm hoping it has the same affect on hers! So, here's to Amanda, the end of BCPs and a VERY productive round of stims starting as soon as Friday for her!!  When she finds out her good news, we may be in the Christmas season of drinks so maybe a Caramel Brule Latte, Eggnog Latte, or Gingerbread Latte to celebrate Beta news!

Beta #3 & Nicknames

Today my 3rd (and final - hopefully for the rest of my life) Beta was 3,100 so doubling time is 63.8 hours which is considered in the normal ranges.  Now we just have to wait a week to see if the nickname is Babycakes or A & B. 

I've been saying Babycakes, so if it's a singleton that's what will stick I think, at least for me.  If it's twins, their nicknames will be from their grandfather and great-uncle.  Dennis' dad was a twin and they were known as A & B to their family their entire lives.  Even though they are both deceased, my MIL refers to my FIL as A and Dennis mentions his Uncle B.  So, A & B I'm sure it will be.

My best friend has already said that to her they are Tres and Quat.  Dennis is a jr so she's decided these little ones are 3 & 4.  :)

I love that my baby(ies) already have so many cute nicknames and I haven't even seen them yet.  One more week until u/s!!!  I bought cute grandparent picture frames today at Michaels to put the u/s picture in to tell my parents next weekend when they are in town visiting and plan to send one to Dennis' mom as well as our announcement to her.

Beta #2

My 2nd Beta at 15dp5dt is 1,805!  That's a 38.06 hr doubling rate according to the Beta doubling calculator, which is right within the normal range.  Yay!!!!!!!!!

My 3rd Beta is scheduled for Friday morning and I've already scheduled my OB ultrasound for next Friday at the DC office to see how many beans we have in there!

I took a picture of Dennis and I Monday night before bed to capture the day and have yet to load it on here...  Maybe tonight...

This picture though seems appropriate for how I'm feeling right now:

Sometimes Disney just captures it perfectly.  : ) 

Wave of Lights

Yesterday I participated in the "Wave of Lights" recognizing all the babies that were called home too early, as a chemical pregnancy, a miscarriage, or shortly after birth. October 15th is pregnancy and infant loss awareness day.  A lot of people lit their candles from 7-8pm in their respective time zones, but I was at small group at church, so mine was lit from 10-11pm.

I choose the candle that I lit because it was one that Jacob made for me and I have such mixed feelings at times with being "only a step-mom" while working through this process and not having a baby to call my own.  My heart breaks for all of those who have lost their angels, especially for those that have suffered in silence. My prayers are with you today and every day.

This candle was lit for: Amanda, Amber, Carla, Bree, Brooke, Debbie, Jennifer, Kim, Krystal, Laura, Lisa, Liz, Meghna, and all those that I know who have experienced this loss that I am unaware of.

Beta #1

It's official - I can say for the first time in my life that I'm pregnant!!!  My first BETA at 13dp5dt was 753!  Next appointment is on Wednesday and it should be double that by then.  So, I'm 4 weeks, 5 days right now.

Looking at charts online, 753 is that grey number where you can't tell if it's one or two, although a lot of my Forum girls are predicting two!  We won't know for sure until our first u/s, which I hope will be 10/26.  Usually they want it to be around 6 weeks, 3 days so you can see the heartbeat right away, but my parents are coming into town next weekend and I don't want to tell them if I haven't had an u/s yet.  So, Debbie said we could try to schedule it for 10/26 and if we're really lucky we MAY be able to get a heartbeat.  I'll be 6 weeks 1 day at that point.

Still can't stop smiling!!!!  Dennis is finally smiling like I've been waiting for for a week too - he didn't fully believe all those HPTs!   He wanted the official confirmation from the doctor!  : ) 

The below picture was taken right before bed.  I'm makeup free and Dennis still can't shave because of his surgery, but you can tell how happy we are!

12dp5dt

Okay, today I took my 7th (and final!) HPT before Beta tomorrow morning.  I saved the digital for last just because I wanted to see the good news in such a blunt way right before the official phone call tomorrow.

My Beta appointment is at 6:45am and I should get my results sometime between noon and 7pm.  That time is going to drag!!!  Can't wait to update with a high Beta number tomorrow and Dennis and I can really celebrate!!!

11dp5dt

Just to be safe, I took today's test at 9:00pm.  Still dark!

10dp5dt

Took today's test at 2:00pm, just in case...

9dp5dt

Dr. Saffan called last night around 6:30, which freaked me out when I first heard his voice, but it was to apologize for dropping the ball on giving me the final embryology report.  He said that he should have called on Monday.  I mentioned the HPTs and he said to be careful with that.  I said it was just the past few days and they've been getting darker and darker and he looked at my trigger date and calculated in his head and said well, you should be in the clear from trigger, but I'm going to wait until Monday to say congratulations.

He also mentioned that the morning of transfer, between the time that he called and the actual transfer they upgraded one of the embryos they used.  So, we should prepare ourselves for getting what we asked for by transferring two...  Monday's Beta numbers could indicate if there's more than one in there if the number is high enough, but we wouldn't know anything for sure until the first u/s, which would be around October 26th if all the Beta results come back the way they should (keep doubling every couple of days).

I think at this point, it's safe to say that I'm pregnant!  My fear is really for a chemical pregnancy at this point and not being able to sustain the pregnancy when that's the case.  Just keeping my fingers crossed for a high number on Monday.

Today's POAS is brought to you courtesy of the 3rd bathroom break of the day at 9:00am, as opposed to 6:00am when I've been doing them.  The line is still as dark as the control line and showed up before the control line, so it's not just early morning HCG at this point!

Day 13 - Zero Frozen Embryos

Debbie apparently has been out sick, which is why I never got an update, and I just spoke to the nurse (Sonya) taking her patients for the time being. There were no embryos viable to freeze. Praying that this just means God didn't want us to have to make decisions after giving bring this/these little one(s) home since we knew we didn't want to have more than one pregnancy!  Our plan was to donate any remaining embryos for medical research, but that hasn't sat well with me either.  Now we may not have to make that decision if everything works out with this cycle!

Sonya also mentioned that only 1/3 of the people who do IVF have embryos that are viable to freeze.  It's interesting that the stat was never mentioned before this...

8dp5dt

Today's POAS showed as dark a line for the second line as for the neutral line!!!  Only slightly darker than yesterday, but I honestly don't think it can get any darker at this point.  I'll just be hoping for the same from this point forward.  Another interesting thing to note is that I watched the liquid move across the window this time and the second line showed up BEFORE the neutral line because the liquid hit it first.  So, pretty much immediate line!!!

A slightly frustrating note in the midst of all of this.  We never received a phone call about our remaining three embryos.  I mean I hope that the above picture indicates that we will never need to use them, but I would still like to know what happened to them.  Did they all make it to freeze?  Did only one as the transfer doctor suggested?  I left a voicemail for Debbie yesterday and am about to call her again to see what's going on.

7dp5dt

Darker and darker today!!!  I took the test at 6:00am again today and the photo was taken one hour later.  I plan on taking tests every morning until my first Beta on Monday.  One so I stay sane and two to see if it gets lighter indicating a possible chemical pregnancy.  So, yeah, you can expect 7 days worth of pictures since that's how many tests I have!

No question that there's a second line now!!!

6dp5dt and telling Dennis

Today is a day that will always be in my memory, for a couple of reasons.  First, my husband had spinal cord surgery, and, second, I got my first positive on a home pregnancy test!!!!

We found out about 10 days ago that Dennis had to have spinal cord surgery and we were both freaking out a bit since then.  He had a bone spur that needed to be removed, along with a discectomy (sp?).  Thankfully, everything went well and he's resting comfortably in the hospital tonight and will be home tomorrow around noon.

Because I knew that it was going to be a long day for me, I needed some hope to pull me through.  I knew that 6dp5dt was really early to get a positive, but I needed something.  So, at 6:00am I took the test.  I'd heard that taking the test the first thing in the morning will give you your highest HCG levels allowing a positive to show up earlier then if you took the tests later in the day.  And, I'm so glad that I did it because there was a second line!  I used First Response Early Results.

I had this wonderful plan in my mind to tell Dennis about a positive result.  I bought a 2-pack of pacifiers with the Nationals logo on them during our first IVF cycle and planned on wrapping them and letting him open it to tell him.  I'm great at keeping secrets for anyone else, but anyone who knows me knows that I'm an open book.  So, yeah, not so much at the planned thing.  Instead I went and woke him up, and said, "I know what might help get you through your surgery today.  You're going to be a daddy again!"  He was incoherent and kind of what? about it and there I was waving a stick in his face that I just peed on!!!  He eventually woke up and was happy, but not nearly as excited as me.  He's being hesitant until the Beta test on Monday.  He won't be overjoyed and sure about this until then and he said as much.

Still, I know that I'm pregnant and he'll realize on Monday that it's for real!

Also, some friends in my IVF group are predicting twins based on how dark the line is today for only 6dp.  Yikes!!!!!  We'll have our work cut out for us if that's the case.

The photo was taken 2 hours after the test so it darkened up a bit from when I first took it.

It's faint, but it's there!!!

BTW, only one person that I know IRL is aware of this blog.  So, Rebecca, obviously NO ONE else knows about this other then Dennis (not even telling our parents until after first u/s), so I'm glad you're better about keeping secrets about me than I am!

Embryo Transfer - Take 2 x2

Our 2nd embryo transfer went well according to the doctor who performed the transfer and the embryologist, Kim.  We decided to transfer 2 this time to help our chances of a positive result.  This gives us a 30% chance for twins, but then we would just feel doubly blessed.  Dr. Saffan said that one of the embryos was an XBA which was better than the previous embryo, but agreed with us on our decision to transfer 2.

It was a hectic day.  We dropped Jacob off at school in the pouring rain and got on the road to head to the clinic in Rockville where they do all of the retrievals and transfers.  A drive that would normally take 25 minutes took us an hour because of an accident on the Beltway.  I had to call at 9:30 when we should have been there to tell them the situation.  Because of this they switched our time with someone later that was already there.  The only problem is, you have to have a moderately full bladder, so by the time they did my transfer I had had to pee for almost an hour!  Just a tad uncomfortable!  When I explained it to the doctor, he agreed to be efficient - thorough, but efficient!  So glad that he was!

The only downside about the day is that he thought only 1 out of the remaining 3 embryos would make it to freeze.  He said he would have encouraged transferring 2 as well because of that.  It makes me a little nervous.  Hopefully, it won't matter and we won't even need to use that potential frozen embryo.

Here's the two embryos from under the microscope - you can see the picture of our last transferred embryo here.

 

Right after transfer:

I chose the shirt that I was wearing for a reason.  Dennis and I were both on the tournament committee for our softball tournament for the past two years (three for Dennis).  We're always plagued by horrible rain and last year there were a lot of complaints from people that stood by while we did all the work getting the fields ready about how their games were delayed and blaming the committee.  During our first committee meeting this year we were discussing it and someone mentioned that if I more person said something they were getting a rake to the face.  It became our slogan and we received t-shirts the day before the tournament.  It has now become a slogan beyond the tournament for anything that we're fed up with and want to end.  So, I wore the shirt today.  

Rake to the Face Infertility - Rake to the Face!!!

Hoping today that we put a rake to the face in our infertility and started the next chapter of our lives.